Too Late
by BigTimeRush-BTR
Summary: I could have saved him. I could have at least tried, but I didn't. Now, I must face the consequences of my mistake.


**You might want to shoot me now. Yeah… just shoot me already! I killed him again; for the second time. My little 'Litos… And James… yeah. Just read it, and you will see what I mean. Hope you guys like it. :) It's in James' point of view.**

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There was a time not too long ago when all I saw in my best friend's eyes was happiness and innocence. A time when his smile would light up my whole day when I was feeling down. Times when even a simple hug could make everything okay again. That was a time that I wish I had cherished when I had the chance, for it all went away quite rapidly; I'm not sure when or how.

Actually, I do know when, and I do know how. But sometimes, I wish I didn't know. It brings me great pain to know the boy who I love like a brother was hurting so much that he completely morphed into something I no longer recognized. He used to be so happy and free. Then, his gloomy and saddened eyes were all I saw as he stared at me like a caged animal in the zoo. I know that with those looks he gave me, he was silently asking for my help. He wanted me to bring him back, but the problem was that I couldn't. Not when he had let himself fall so hard.

There were times in which I stared at him through the corners of my eyes as he was distracted. I couldn't help but stare for minutes, sometimes even hours, just waiting for him to break down completely into uncontrollable sobs.

Other times I couldn't even bear his existence. In those times, I tried avoiding his gaze. I let my eyes wonder to the window to my side, to the television in front of me, or to the lamp sitting on the table. I looked in any direction that I could find that was not anywhere close to my best friend.

I hate myself for being such a fool; for not helping him when I could have done something to prevent this. I was stupid and naïve as to not see how much he was hurting. I –as his best friend– should have noticed right away and tried to help him. Save him is what I should have done.

But I didn't.

Now, it's too late to give a proper apology for the way I wronged him. It was the biggest mistake of my life, and I will never forgive myself for what I did. Or more like; for what I didn't do.

The purple rose I hold in my hand is so beautiful yet delicate. I can't prevent the sad smile that comes to my face as I look down at its beauty. The rose is a perfect replica of that boy; the one I wish I would have comforted when times were tough.

The boy who always knew just what to say.

The one who knew just what to do in order to get me to crack a smile.

The one who saved me from myself not once but multiple times.

The one I miss with my whole heart.

I thank the vendor standing behind the small rose cart in the street and hand him a twenty dollar bill. He gives me a look of pure confusion, but I just smile at him and wave him off. It's obvious he needs the money more than I ever will. He smiles at me and I smile back before walking away with the purple rose clutched lightly in between the fingers in my right hand.

I stare up at the sky and frown. The clouds are growing a dark, gloomy gray; it's obvious it's going to rain soon.

I am proved correctly when rain droplets start to fall from the sky and onto everything on the ground. My chestnut brown locks grow damp with the rain and cling to my forehead. I sigh and brush them back with my free hand.

I don't know when I start crying, but suddenly, I have tears rolling down my face. I don't bother to brush them away. What's the point when I know more will fall soon enough?

I feel like part of me died with my best friend that cold, November night. As I held onto his hand in that crisp-white hospital room and watched his eyes slowly lose their light, I felt my heart begin to shatter into a million little pieces without making a sound. He told me he was sorry, and that I probably hated him for what he had done. The truth was that I hated myself for what I hadn't done. I still do.

The guilt eats at me every day; every waking hour.

Finally, after walking for about ten minutes, I reach the cemetery. I walk past the gray gates and ignore all of the tombstones sticking out from the ground. They are all a sad sight, for none of them is decorated with so many colorful flowers like the one of my best friend.

I reach his tombstone and smile at the sight. So many flowers; so many people that cared about him. I can't believe he never noticed.

Sniffling, I place the purple rose on top of the tombstone. I stand in front of my brother's grave and shed more than a couple of tears. The sad thing is that he is no longer alive and I can feel his little arms around me, hear his soft and caring voice, feel his fingers running through my brunette locks in a comforting matter, and hear his silent laughter.

Sometimes I think I might be going crazy. After all, it's not normal to hear and feel all of those things when the person you are thinking about is now dead. No one knows about it though, aside from my two best friends. They think I need to go to a psychologist. I don't think I do. It'll fade away as the time passes. I know it will.

I wish it wouldn't though.

I miss my best friend, more than anyone will ever know. We were as close as two brothers can be. He was always there for me, and I promised to always be there for him. But I failed him at that. I broke my promise to my little friend.

He was so innocent; he did not deserve such a cruel faith. I don't think I will ever understand why his death occurred, but I guess there's a reason for everything. What I'd like to know is the reason to why he is now dead; buried six feet underground.

I shake my head and walk out of the cemetery, and away from the person I love. By now the rain has stopped and a rainbow is now present in the sky. I can't even smile at the beautiful sight. No, I'm too wounded to smile or even think happy thoughts like my friend always told me to do. He would always say: "Think nice happy thoughts about kittens." It always made everything okay, or at least it did most of the time. But now there is no one to say that unofficial quote. Just like there is no one to brighten up my day.

For now, I have lost Carlos Garcia; my best friend.

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**So… What are your thoughts? Thanks for reading! :D**

**~ BigTimeRush-BTR :)**


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